HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY AS A CHURCH GIRL: EPISODE 15

HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY AS A CHURCH GIRL: EPISODE 15

EPISODE 15: THE GUILT, THE FEAR, THE SHAME

Ifeoma didn’t stop staring at me.

I could feel her eyes burning holes into my skin.

“Adaeze,” she whispered again. “Where did you sleep?”

I couldn’t answer.

How could I?

What was I supposed to say?

That I had spent the night in David’s arms?
That I had done the one thing I swore I’d never do?
That I had fallen?

Tears burned in my eyes, but I refused to cry.

Not here.

Not now.

I pushed past her. “I just need to sleep.”

I climbed onto my bed and pulled the blanket over my head.

Maybe if I stayed like this, the shame would go away.

Maybe if I closed my eyes, I could pretend it never happened.

But guilt is a demon that doesn’t sleep.

And that night, I tossed and turned, unable to rest.

THE MORNING AFTER REGRET

By morning, I was still a mess.

Ifeoma hadn’t said a word, but she didn’t need to.

The tension in the room was thick.

I dragged myself out of bed and picked up my phone.

7 missed calls from David.

I stared at the screen, my heart pounding.

I knew I had to call him back, but…

What was I even going to say?

I sighed and texted instead.

Me: I’m not ready to talk.

He replied almost immediately.

David: Ada, please. We need to talk.

David: I love you.

I dropped my phone like it was fire.

Love?

What kind of love leads you into sin?

I grabbed my Bible and held it close to my chest, trying to feel something—anything—that could make me feel clean again.

But the words felt distant.

God felt far.

And I?

I felt completely lost.

THE CHURCH WHISPERERS

By Sunday, I forced myself to go to church.

I needed peace.

I needed to hear God’s voice.

But from the moment I stepped into the auditorium, I could feel the stares.

I could hear the whispers.

“Is that not Adaeze?”
“I heard she has been moving with one boy.”
“Brother Samuel said she’s no longer serious with church.”
“Can you imagine? A whole Adaeze?”

I gritted my teeth and kept walking.

But then—

“Sister Adaeze, please wait.”

I froze.

The voice belonged to Pastor’s wife.

I turned slowly and faced her.

She smiled, but her eyes were sharp.

“Please, come with me,” she said.

I felt my soul leave my body.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

Inside her office, she gestured for me to sit.

I obeyed, my hands shaking.

“Adaeze,” she began, “you know we love you, right?”

I nodded slowly.

“And because we love you,” she continued, “we’re concerned. Some people have been saying… things.”

I swallowed hard. “What things?”

She sighed. “That you’ve been seen with a young man. That you don’t come to fellowship anymore. That you’re… changing.”

My heart slammed against my ribs.

Who told her?

Vanessa?
Brother Samuel?
Or was it the Holy Spirit Himself?

She leaned forward. “Adaeze, I won’t judge you. But I need to ask… have you fallen?“

BOOM.

The question hit me like thunder.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

Have I fallen?

Yes.

Yes, I have.

But I couldn’t say it.

I couldn’t confess.

Tears burned in my eyes. “Mummy, I… I don’t know.”

Her eyes softened. “My dear, sin thrives in secrecy. If you’ve made a mistake, tell me. Let’s pray together.”

My chest tightened.

I wanted to.

I wanted to break down and cry and scream and beg God to take away the shame.

But then I remembered David’s message.

I love you.

If I confessed, they would never allow me near him again.

I would lose him forever.

So I wiped my tears and shook my head.

“I’m fine, Mummy,” I whispered. “I just need to focus on God more.”

She sighed.

She didn’t believe me.

But she didn’t push further.

Instead, she held my hands and prayed.

And as she spoke in tongues, calling on the fire of God…

I felt like I was burning alive.

THE FINAL BLOW

I left church feeling weak.

I needed fresh air, so I took the long way back to my hostel.

But as I turned a corner, I saw something that made my blood freeze.

David.

Leaning against his car.

And beside him?

Vanessa.

Laughing.

Touching his arm.

Like I never even existed.

For a moment, I thought I was imagining things.

But then—

Vanessa turned and saw me.

And the way she smirked?

I knew immediately.

She planned this.

She leaned in closer, whispering something in David’s ear.

He laughed.

Like nothing ever happened between us.

Like I was just another girl.

Like… I was nothing.

My hands started shaking.

The world felt like it was spinning.

And before I knew what I was doing—

I turned and ran.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

Away from David.
Away from Vanessa.
Away from the mess I had created.

But no matter how far I ran…

I couldn’t run away from my own mistakes.

TO BE CONTINUED…